To my absolute astonishment, my second class on Tuesday was one of my best practices ever. I would have thought that getting up early and practicing and then going to the office for eight hours would have left me with nothing to give in a second practice but it felt like I was melting into poses like I had not before. Maybe I was so excited about doing it and being back on track that adrenaline carried me through. Or maybe I was so tired I had no fight left in me. I don’t know. I just know that I enjoyed it far more than I would have thought possible.
Of course yesterday quickly took the wind out of my sails. It was so hot in class Wednesday night I thought I would die. Couple that with an egg that I had eaten for dinner (even though about two hours before class) that seemed stuck in my esophagus and a bladder that was unusually full in the middle of class that required a bathroom break after wind removing pose (which I have never had to do) and saying that I struggled through class would be an understatement.
Then, I realized I had a commitment this evening which meant I either had to do another early morning class (UGH!), double up again (double UGH!) or, even as close as I am to 30 classes, call it quits. The thought of doubling up again, despite the great class I had on Tuesday, is about as distasteful as the thought of quitting at this point. Consequently, I set my alarm for 5 AM this morning. It is amazing the sense of accomplishment I have just getting to class this early in the day, and now I feel like whatever else I get done today is just icing on the cake. I hope I don’t fall asleep in my meeting tonight though. Just five more classes to go !!! I think I can. I think I can! I know I can!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
July 22nd--Classes 21 and 22
I decided yesterday, after my regular Monday morning class with Leah (9AM), that I will definitely try to do two classes today despite the ridiculously early hour of 6:15AM for the first class. (I am so NOT a morning person.) I worked 1PM to 9PM for many years for a reason. However, I figure I can do this, just this one morning, just this one day, just this one time (and if not I can always blow off the second class at 7PM and try to double up again on Saturday morning). I am surprised to find recently how often I hear people say, “I could never do that.” I don’t know if they always have or if all of a sudden the phrase just catches my ear. I want to tell them you have no idea what you can do. I mention this, because I realize I say that I am not a morning person and with every utterance, I become less and less of a morning person. So as a point of clarification—I have no desire to be a “morning person.” I can and will do what I need to do on occasion to catch a plane, to go for a run/walk with my friends on a Sunday morning (I haven’t forgotten Anita), or to catch up on my yoga classes, but other than that if my head is still on my pillow at 8 AM that’s OK by me.
I was amazed yesterday to find that the heat was working and the room was hot and I was sweating but I didn’t struggle with it at all. I don’t know if I’m adjusting to the heat outside or if I’ve been well hydrated or some combination of things but I enjoyed practice yesterday. It’s not always like that for me. Sometimes the heat really takes my breath away from me, but not yesterday and not this morning either.
I continue to struggle with balance as I raise my eyes higher and higher in the standing poses. I can be steady as a rock if I am looking down but I realize that’s not where I want to be, so although I wobble and struggle in my standing poses, I laugh to myself as I try to master this nuance of gaze. It seems the more I look at my wobbling leg the more I wobble—UGH!—but I will not look down. I don’t know if it’s my zodiac sign or my Italian heritage, but I will not accept defeat and I will not back down. Maybe I’m stubborn, maybe I’m blessed with persistence, either way I’m having fun playing with the postures. While I have already confessed to working on unwrinkling my brow in a mirror at home, I almost never “strike a pose” outside of class. Consequently, I find myself anxious to get to my next practice to try a posture again. When you make a little adjustment to a posture like I have been with my eyes, you only have the two sets to try it out in which for me really leaves me wanting to try it again. Well today that will come soon enough, and then I will be back on track with my 30 classes in 30 days challenge. Hooray!
I was amazed yesterday to find that the heat was working and the room was hot and I was sweating but I didn’t struggle with it at all. I don’t know if I’m adjusting to the heat outside or if I’ve been well hydrated or some combination of things but I enjoyed practice yesterday. It’s not always like that for me. Sometimes the heat really takes my breath away from me, but not yesterday and not this morning either.
I continue to struggle with balance as I raise my eyes higher and higher in the standing poses. I can be steady as a rock if I am looking down but I realize that’s not where I want to be, so although I wobble and struggle in my standing poses, I laugh to myself as I try to master this nuance of gaze. It seems the more I look at my wobbling leg the more I wobble—UGH!—but I will not look down. I don’t know if it’s my zodiac sign or my Italian heritage, but I will not accept defeat and I will not back down. Maybe I’m stubborn, maybe I’m blessed with persistence, either way I’m having fun playing with the postures. While I have already confessed to working on unwrinkling my brow in a mirror at home, I almost never “strike a pose” outside of class. Consequently, I find myself anxious to get to my next practice to try a posture again. When you make a little adjustment to a posture like I have been with my eyes, you only have the two sets to try it out in which for me really leaves me wanting to try it again. Well today that will come soon enough, and then I will be back on track with my 30 classes in 30 days challenge. Hooray!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
July 20th--Classes 18, 19 and 20
It occurs to me that listing the days is no longer accurate since I missed two days. I did make up one of them this Saturday by doing back-to-back classes (8 AM and 10 AM). If I am completely honest it was kind of anticlimactic for me. As I mentioned Friday, with the heat and humidity as high as it has been in the Philadelphia area, the heater at the gym has taken to cutting out as it senses it’s already too darn hot. This being the case, the yoga room was again not as hot as it usually is (maybe only 100 degrees). So, the back-to-back classes were not the struggle I thought they might be. Again the yoga gods have smiled on me (lest they think I am proud of myself.)
Today, however was another story indeed. Anita must have figured out a way to trick the heater because although it shut off a couple of times, it was hot enough to cook in there today. I sweat not just a puddle but an entire pond today. Now I’m thinking about when I will double up again because I don’t know how I would have done back-to-back classes today. I’m considering doing a 6:15 AM on Tuesday, going to work 9 to 5, then doing the 7 PM Tuesday night. On the one hand, spacing the classes out sounds good to me, on the one hand it sounds like a terribly long day. I’d like to do it and be back on track rather than wait until Saturday to do an 8 AM and 10 AM. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
I am aware of the fact that while I have fewer “breakthroughs” of measure, I notice different things in my postures every time I practice. I notice my forearms ache more, I guess because I am pulling harder in my bows and using them in toe stand where I hadn’t in the past. I notice I’m trying to bring my eyes up in both standing bow and balancing stick and this complicates the posture immeasurably for me. I also am working hard to not wrinkle my forehead as I gaze up during the back series postures (I need no help with the burrows in my aging forehead.) I find this to be as difficult a task as any. Truth be told, I’ve actually practiced in my bathroom mirror. I don’t want my forehead to be all wrinkled up, as I make a younger, healthier version of my body from the inside-out. I’m glad that this is Bikram’s “beginner’s” yoga and that all we’re doing is practicing. I feel like I fit right in that way.
Today, however was another story indeed. Anita must have figured out a way to trick the heater because although it shut off a couple of times, it was hot enough to cook in there today. I sweat not just a puddle but an entire pond today. Now I’m thinking about when I will double up again because I don’t know how I would have done back-to-back classes today. I’m considering doing a 6:15 AM on Tuesday, going to work 9 to 5, then doing the 7 PM Tuesday night. On the one hand, spacing the classes out sounds good to me, on the one hand it sounds like a terribly long day. I’d like to do it and be back on track rather than wait until Saturday to do an 8 AM and 10 AM. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.
I am aware of the fact that while I have fewer “breakthroughs” of measure, I notice different things in my postures every time I practice. I notice my forearms ache more, I guess because I am pulling harder in my bows and using them in toe stand where I hadn’t in the past. I notice I’m trying to bring my eyes up in both standing bow and balancing stick and this complicates the posture immeasurably for me. I also am working hard to not wrinkle my forehead as I gaze up during the back series postures (I need no help with the burrows in my aging forehead.) I find this to be as difficult a task as any. Truth be told, I’ve actually practiced in my bathroom mirror. I don’t want my forehead to be all wrinkled up, as I make a younger, healthier version of my body from the inside-out. I’m glad that this is Bikram’s “beginner’s” yoga and that all we’re doing is practicing. I feel like I fit right in that way.
Friday, July 18, 2008
July 18--Day Seventeen
I returned from attending my uncle’s funeral late last night. Philadelphia is notorious for being amongst the worst airports in the country and this trip did not disappoint. My flight was cancelled on the way out and I had to wait three hours in the airport and my flight back was delayed nearly two hours--but did I fret? Well, maybe a little but not publicly and not for long. I did get home after midnight though which made getting up this morning even more difficult than normal. I can honestly say the only thing that dragged my stiff--from sitting around airports and funeral homes and not doing my yoga for two days--body out of bed this morning was the thought of practicing again. This, in and of itself, is fascinating to me because I have never enjoyed any form of exercise so much that I would get out of bed to do it. In just two days, I have missed my friends. I have missed the heat. I have missed my mental quiet time. I have missed my yoga practice.
I am conscious that my back is feeling better but I have little expectation for my practice since I have done nothing but sit for two days. My work is physical so I do not often sit this much and when I do it does not agree with me. My intent is to just welcome my body back to motion. I am delighted to feel my body easing into its first forward bend, which was impossible for me earlier in the week. I tell myself that my body is smart and my body is strong. I am blessed, as are we all, with an intelligence inside my body that allows me to heal. I am grateful. I am focused. I’m not thinking about the heat, or my breathing, or my sweating. I am so comfortable and focused at one point during the standing series that I have no idea how long I’ve been in a posture. I think to myself that I am really getting good at this, only to find that the heat is not working quite right today and that it is probably 5 or 10 degrees cooler than it normally is. (Oh pride you ugly monster!)
All in all, it is a tremendous welcome back. The yoga gods smile on me today. My gift from Leah in class (besides her beautiful smile) is a simple reminder that it is important to go into your postures with a good grip. And if our practice mirrors our lives, than it’s equally important there too. As my husband continues to improve, the tire on my car is fixed, my body continues to heal itself, and I savor the memory of my family gathering to celebrate a life dear to us all, I feel like maybe I’ve got a grip on my life. The thought of doing back-to-back classes tomorrow morning (8 AM and 10 AM) actually brings a smile to my face. I want to get back on track with my 30 classes in 30 days.
I am conscious that my back is feeling better but I have little expectation for my practice since I have done nothing but sit for two days. My work is physical so I do not often sit this much and when I do it does not agree with me. My intent is to just welcome my body back to motion. I am delighted to feel my body easing into its first forward bend, which was impossible for me earlier in the week. I tell myself that my body is smart and my body is strong. I am blessed, as are we all, with an intelligence inside my body that allows me to heal. I am grateful. I am focused. I’m not thinking about the heat, or my breathing, or my sweating. I am so comfortable and focused at one point during the standing series that I have no idea how long I’ve been in a posture. I think to myself that I am really getting good at this, only to find that the heat is not working quite right today and that it is probably 5 or 10 degrees cooler than it normally is. (Oh pride you ugly monster!)
All in all, it is a tremendous welcome back. The yoga gods smile on me today. My gift from Leah in class (besides her beautiful smile) is a simple reminder that it is important to go into your postures with a good grip. And if our practice mirrors our lives, than it’s equally important there too. As my husband continues to improve, the tire on my car is fixed, my body continues to heal itself, and I savor the memory of my family gathering to celebrate a life dear to us all, I feel like maybe I’ve got a grip on my life. The thought of doing back-to-back classes tomorrow morning (8 AM and 10 AM) actually brings a smile to my face. I want to get back on track with my 30 classes in 30 days.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
July 15th--Day Sixteen
Last night on my way home from work (9:30 PM), I got a flat tire on the PA turnpike. All I wanted to do was get home and get in bed early. My back was killing me all day and I had been running around trying to get my home and life organized before I leave town for the funeral. It was a rather harrowing experience for me, not so much because I was alone in the dark (I used my cell phone to take advantage of my AAA membership), but because I was forced to wait on an abysmally small shoulder of the road as 18-wheelers went whizzing past me rocking my car like a little row boat in an ocean during the perfect storm. All I could do was close my eyes, practice my pranayama breathing and pray.
Fortunately, today was a new day indeed. My car dealer squeezed me in to get me a new tire today before I have to leave town and gave me a loaner for the day to get back and forth to work. My back seems to have taken a turn for the better and my practice seemed somewhat easier than the day before. I even did a few sit-ups. As I’m leaving the studio, I talk with Anita about how I will make the classes up. I know doing the two classes in one day on a day that I also have to work will be challenging but would doing two classes back to back on a Sat morning be even worse? Is it crazy to do an 8 AM and then a 10 AM class? Sounds crazy doesn’t it? Anita says that if I decide to do the two Saturday classes back to back that she will do them with me. How cute is she!?! She is an extraordinary woman--both sensitive and strong and it is a beautiful offer and all I need to commit to doing it. I know now that I can and I will. It may not be this Saturday, depending on how my travels go, but I will do it. My life has been challenging of late but this yoga continues to teach me. What did I write a few days ago: “What a fine line “our edge” is. It’s unquestionably worth trying--when you think you are at your edge, when you think that ‘s all the further you can bend, when you think you can’t hold a posture any more--just try a little bit more, 5 more seconds, or one more breath. You will amaze yourself. You are capable of so much more.” Having someone like Anita to encourage you is also highly recommended. If we all did, I’m certain the world would be a better place. Thank you Anita. You are a gem!
Fortunately, today was a new day indeed. My car dealer squeezed me in to get me a new tire today before I have to leave town and gave me a loaner for the day to get back and forth to work. My back seems to have taken a turn for the better and my practice seemed somewhat easier than the day before. I even did a few sit-ups. As I’m leaving the studio, I talk with Anita about how I will make the classes up. I know doing the two classes in one day on a day that I also have to work will be challenging but would doing two classes back to back on a Sat morning be even worse? Is it crazy to do an 8 AM and then a 10 AM class? Sounds crazy doesn’t it? Anita says that if I decide to do the two Saturday classes back to back that she will do them with me. How cute is she!?! She is an extraordinary woman--both sensitive and strong and it is a beautiful offer and all I need to commit to doing it. I know now that I can and I will. It may not be this Saturday, depending on how my travels go, but I will do it. My life has been challenging of late but this yoga continues to teach me. What did I write a few days ago: “What a fine line “our edge” is. It’s unquestionably worth trying--when you think you are at your edge, when you think that ‘s all the further you can bend, when you think you can’t hold a posture any more--just try a little bit more, 5 more seconds, or one more breath. You will amaze yourself. You are capable of so much more.” Having someone like Anita to encourage you is also highly recommended. If we all did, I’m certain the world would be a better place. Thank you Anita. You are a gem!
Monday, July 14, 2008
July 14th--Day Fifteen
I’m half way through my challenge today but am unquestionably struggling. I learned yesterday of a death in my family and spent the better part of the evening watching girl movies and crying. (“Martian Child” with John Cusack: cute movie but tear jerker and “Griffin and Phoenix” with Dermot Mulroney and Amanda Peet: modern day version of “Love Story”--just get the whole box of Kleenex and keep it with you). My back is killing me and completely inhibited me from doing any sit-ups in class as well as half tortoise and rabbit.
I plan to attend the funeral, which is in Pittsburgh and is going to necessitate my missing two days of class (Wednesday and Thursday). I am uncertain as to my ability to make up the classes but I commit to one day at a time. I want to do it and I believe that will see me through, though it seems this yoga challenge has been accompanied by real life challenges. I remind myself to breathe, inside and outside of class, and to accept things for what they are just as they are.
I plan to attend the funeral, which is in Pittsburgh and is going to necessitate my missing two days of class (Wednesday and Thursday). I am uncertain as to my ability to make up the classes but I commit to one day at a time. I want to do it and I believe that will see me through, though it seems this yoga challenge has been accompanied by real life challenges. I remind myself to breathe, inside and outside of class, and to accept things for what they are just as they are.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
July 13th--Day Fourteen
When I get to the studio at 7 AM I am still in my early morning daze. Unfortunately, everyone that shows up today is a runner, no walkers in sight. I do not know the route we will take and don’t want to slow anyone down so I agree to run at least as well as I can. I did jog regularly for short distances (3-4 miles) in the past, but have not for over a year now and even then was never a runner. All I can do is try I decide and off we go. Gratefully, near the top of the first hill I talk Marcy into alternating walking and running with me. It feels good--the exertion, the sweating, the steps, the camaraderie. I am glad I came; I just wonder if I will pass out in class which starts at 9 AM.
We have some time to rest before class and I’m thinking this is going rather well as I sit on the sofa under the air vent sipping a cool refreshing beverage, smug with the thought that I didn’t just walk--I jogged, probably half of the 3-mile or so route. Then Anita says, ”OK, let’s get started.” Am I out of my mind or what? The class goes well but not exceptionally so and the nagging in my back seems only to be increasing. I begin to entertain the thought that maybe I need a rest. I don’t want to quit the challenge, but if I took a day off, how and when would I make it up? I could do a 6:15 AM before work on a Tuesday and then do the 7 PM class the same day. UGH! That’s awfully early and a super long day too! The thought is not very appealing to me and I think it better to keep coming and just take it easy as I need to.
We have some time to rest before class and I’m thinking this is going rather well as I sit on the sofa under the air vent sipping a cool refreshing beverage, smug with the thought that I didn’t just walk--I jogged, probably half of the 3-mile or so route. Then Anita says, ”OK, let’s get started.” Am I out of my mind or what? The class goes well but not exceptionally so and the nagging in my back seems only to be increasing. I begin to entertain the thought that maybe I need a rest. I don’t want to quit the challenge, but if I took a day off, how and when would I make it up? I could do a 6:15 AM before work on a Tuesday and then do the 7 PM class the same day. UGH! That’s awfully early and a super long day too! The thought is not very appealing to me and I think it better to keep coming and just take it easy as I need to.
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