July 12th--Day Thirteen

It’s Saturday morning and I still feel crummy. I’m beginning to think, however, that it is not because of my period as much as it is my back acting up, which it does on occasion. I’ve had a herniated and a bulging disc in my low back for years, which for the most part do not bother me, so I do not bother them. I have found that keeping my spine strong and flexible (i.e., weight training, regular chiropractic care, and now yoga) has unquestionably been better for it than anything else. When I have difficulty straightening up as I get out of bed this morning though, my husband says, “maybe you’re doing too much.” What a discouraging thought!!! “I don’t think so,” I answer. “I think it’s just something my body is going through. I think the more I move the better, but I’ll take it easy.” I promise him.

I feel bloated, stiff and heavy which compels me to step on the scale which is in plain view in my house these days as we monitor my husband’s congestive heart failure every morning. It occurs to me while I wait for the digital read out that I must be mad getting on the scale when I have my period which every woman knows can mean as much as a 5-pound fluid gain. To my delight, I find I am down five pounds. Hmmm…without any change to my diet whatsoever I have lost weight and at this the worst time of the month to weigh yourself. I shouldn’t say no change whatsoever really. It is a bit of a challenge trying to figure out when and what to eat really. I find I cannot eat at least 90 min before class and even then, what I eat is important unless I want to be tasting it all through class.

Class this morning is with Chris whose energy is contagious. I make a mental note though, that in my current state, my practice would benefit from my getting up a little earlier and warming up and stretching out a bit before class. I decide that I will commit to the 7 AM walk tomorrow morning.

July 11th--Day Twelve

I am feeling achy this morning. It’s that time of the month for me and while I have never really been significantly bothered by my period, I’m unquestionably bothered by cramps today, although they seem more in my back than in my abdomen. I‘m glad to see Leah’s smiling face in class and while I am frustrated in many of the postures today, her peace and calmness remind me that it is OK. She refers to my period as my lunar journey as she helps stretch me a little in wind removing pose which makes me laugh even in the middle of class. I’m 45 and I’ve never heard anyone refer to it that way. And yet that’s all it is--a journey, as is this challenge, which for the first time really feels like a challenge.

July 10th--Day Eleven

Another super busy day in the office, but this time I am anxious to get to class to enjoy my new found release from the stress of every day life. It’s like a little vacation in the middle of the day. I mentioned to some of the 136 people that I saw in the office today, as they see and comment on how busy I am and how well I handle the pressure, that I have been doing a 30-day yoga challenge. Many can’t believe how much time I am taking from my schedule to accomplish this task. (Forget about the disciplne required or the strength or flexibility--they just think about how much time it's taking--go figure!?!) As I see it, sure it’s a 90-min class and there is some time committed to getting back and forth to the studio and showering and all but all together it’s not but a little over 2 hours. Many people spend twice that much time watching TV every day. And to what benefit? Others spend that much time golfing, or talking on the phone, napping, or in the bar for heaven’s sake. So it’s really not a big deal. Everybody does something with their free time. I am choosing to do something that is changing my body and my mind from the inside out. Every organ, every tissue, every cell, bones to skin, benefits from this practice I am doing and I am aware of it as never before.

When I start my class today I am mindful of the others who have come to share their time and energy in this place with me. The room is not big and I am aware of everyone. I am grateful for their presence and for the next 90 minutes they are my brothers and sisters in this beautiful effort to make not only ourselves better but all those we come in contact with. I enjoy the practice. I am grateful for the practice. I have another breakthrough as I place my head back on the floor in fixed firm pose. Me--the girl who couldn’t get her rear on the floor between her feet in the sitting position last year--is leaning back with her elbows on the floor placing her head ever so gently down on the mat. This is amazing! What will I do tomorrow? Conquer the world?

July 9th--Day Ten

I have done weight training on Wednesdays for years and I wonder today how that will affect my practice. In fact, after weights today I play tennis with a friend and because it is hot I sweat a lot and I think maybe I won’t sweat so much during my practice. (huh! I will learn later what a silly thought indeed!) By the time 7 PM rolls around I‘m thinking today would definitely be another day that I would blow off my yoga class if it were not for my 30-day challenge. My calves are tight and I tell myself at the beginning of class that I will just take it easy and accept my body for where it happens to be today.

My hands meet on the right side in Eagle again today and I feel the twist working its way through my shoulders, my elbows, my wrists, my hands, and my fingers. It’s amazing how many joints this postures awakens. As I make my way through the standing series, I am painfully aware of the fact that my calves do not seem to be relaxing even in the heat of the room. I am often bothered by slight cramps in my feet, especially following locust pose (single and double leg lifts). However, they subside with stretching in the opposite direction after I release the posture. My calves however are just sore. So when I get to toe stand today, I tell myself that I will just bend over and get the floor and just stay there and let the stretch soothe my calves a bit. Ha! Then I hear Anita’s voice from somewhere urging me on. (How can she be so sweet and such a task master at the same time?) Down I go and glad for it. What a fine line “our edge” is. It’s unquestionably worth trying--when you think you are at your edge, when you think that's all the further you can bend, when you think you can’t hold a posture any more--just try a little bit more, 5 more seconds, or one more breath. You will amaze yourself. You are capable of so much more.

July 8th--Day Nine

MY WORD! IT IS HOT IN THAT ROOM!!! I’m dripping with sweat after the first breathing exercise and I’m wondering why I agreed to do a 30-day challenge in July! Wouldn’t it have been smarter to try this in February!?! I mean I’m just breathing and I’m literally dripping with sweat. It’s hot as heck in there. And hey why can’t I get my hands together in Eagle pose. Will I ever do that again? I am so slippery I can’t grab anything! I listen to the sound of my sweat dripping to the floor as I hold my poses. That’s distracting—but no more distracting than listening to the sound of the guy next to me’s sweat dripping to the floor as I hold my poses. Oh gees and is that my sweat splashed on the mirror in front of me. For heaven’s sake. Somebody open that door and get some air in here! I think I’m going to die. And then amazingly just before we go to the floor for the second half of the practice I complete another toe stand on the right side. Is this yoga unbelievable or what!?! Clearly, you go up and down through the course of a practice maybe up and down a few times. The trick is to learn to not panic. Stay with your breath.

July 7th--Day Eight

It’s Monday morning, which means class with Leah again. That’s great but I miss my friends who are also doing the challenge with me. I guess they are taking one of the later classes tonight. I am disappointed that I cannot find my hands in Eagle pose again and I realize I am distracted by others who do not move with the instructors words or who do thier own thing or who fidget. Then I realize I am distracted by all the things that are distracting me. Then amazingly, like a gift from heaven, just before we are to go to the floor series I complete my first toe stand. I can only do it on the right side but it is a major accomplishment for me. It quiets me and I make a mental note to just worry about me and not what others do.

Later, on my way to work, I notice I am driving slower than I normally do. In fact, it’s unbelievably close to the speed limit. Now that is truly amazing! Can it be that this practice is revealing itself in this manner? I know it has made me more patient and calmer—both good things that I can certainly use. But can it really be saving me money on gas now too!?! That might be just too good to be true!!! One way or the other, it's amazing and wonderful and delightful and I am grateful to my brother for introducing me to this yoga and to Anita and Scorpio for giving me a place to practice it.

July 6th--Day Seven

Oh my, my, my!!! I have another breakthrough today! If yesterday was terrific, I don’t know what to call today. Again, to have any appreciation for the breakthrough you have to know me. I have my whole life been amazed that I cannot touch my two elbows together in front of me. I have on occasion asked all sorts of different people to perform this simple task if only to find some company in my misery, if not a reasonable explanation for this. I’ve asked my 78-yr-old mother, my well-endowed older sister, my out-of shape husband. All of them can, with no effort whatsoever, bring their elbows together in front of their chests. (Go ahead you can try it. I know you want to. And chances are pretty good that you’re going to be able to do it too.) I am by no stretch of the imagination “well-endowed” in the chest area, so I’ve always assumed my inability to perform this task is due to tight shoulder muscles. I don’t really know. Consequently, my Eagle posture doesn’t look (nor has it ever) like anybody else’s in the room. Not guys, not girls, not newbies, not nobody. I simply cannot wrap my hands or my feet. Not to worry folks. Because of my life-long elbow shortcoming, I have been content to hang out in Eagle, wrapping what I can and just pressing the rest together. So imagine my amazement when I feel my fingers touching something and then find that what they are touching are each other. I look closely at my hands have I turned them some new way? How have I done this without even thinking about it? Will I ever replicate it? I don’t care. I am so silly with excitement that I can’t wrap my legs at all.

After class, I join Joy on a sofa for an apple and a blast of the air conditioning. She tells me that prior to class today she did a 3-mile walk/run with some of the other folks from the studio. I say, “Oh man, I couldn’t do that.” And before the words leave my mouth, I know I will now have to at least try it. This yoga is not just changing me physically it is changing me mentally. I have been told over and over, this yoga is not about the postures. It’s about trying and doing what you can and accepting ourselves for what we are and what we can do right now today. After all we are not our bodies. Our bodies are but a vehicle to carry our real selves around. So I know I must try the walk. Unfortunately, it starts at 7 AM. Doesn’t anyone want to sleep in even just a little? We’ll see what next Sunday brings.