July 18--Day Seventeen

I returned from attending my uncle’s funeral late last night. Philadelphia is notorious for being amongst the worst airports in the country and this trip did not disappoint. My flight was cancelled on the way out and I had to wait three hours in the airport and my flight back was delayed nearly two hours--but did I fret? Well, maybe a little but not publicly and not for long. I did get home after midnight though which made getting up this morning even more difficult than normal. I can honestly say the only thing that dragged my stiff--from sitting around airports and funeral homes and not doing my yoga for two days--body out of bed this morning was the thought of practicing again. This, in and of itself, is fascinating to me because I have never enjoyed any form of exercise so much that I would get out of bed to do it. In just two days, I have missed my friends. I have missed the heat. I have missed my mental quiet time. I have missed my yoga practice.

I am conscious that my back is feeling better but I have little expectation for my practice since I have done nothing but sit for two days. My work is physical so I do not often sit this much and when I do it does not agree with me. My intent is to just welcome my body back to motion. I am delighted to feel my body easing into its first forward bend, which was impossible for me earlier in the week. I tell myself that my body is smart and my body is strong. I am blessed, as are we all, with an intelligence inside my body that allows me to heal. I am grateful. I am focused. I’m not thinking about the heat, or my breathing, or my sweating. I am so comfortable and focused at one point during the standing series that I have no idea how long I’ve been in a posture. I think to myself that I am really getting good at this, only to find that the heat is not working quite right today and that it is probably 5 or 10 degrees cooler than it normally is. (Oh pride you ugly monster!)

All in all, it is a tremendous welcome back. The yoga gods smile on me today. My gift from Leah in class (besides her beautiful smile) is a simple reminder that it is important to go into your postures with a good grip. And if our practice mirrors our lives, than it’s equally important there too. As my husband continues to improve, the tire on my car is fixed, my body continues to heal itself, and I savor the memory of my family gathering to celebrate a life dear to us all, I feel like maybe I’ve got a grip on my life. The thought of doing back-to-back classes tomorrow morning (8 AM and 10 AM) actually brings a smile to my face. I want to get back on track with my 30 classes in 30 days.

July 15th--Day Sixteen

Last night on my way home from work (9:30 PM), I got a flat tire on the PA turnpike. All I wanted to do was get home and get in bed early. My back was killing me all day and I had been running around trying to get my home and life organized before I leave town for the funeral. It was a rather harrowing experience for me, not so much because I was alone in the dark (I used my cell phone to take advantage of my AAA membership), but because I was forced to wait on an abysmally small shoulder of the road as 18-wheelers went whizzing past me rocking my car like a little row boat in an ocean during the perfect storm. All I could do was close my eyes, practice my pranayama breathing and pray.

Fortunately, today was a new day indeed. My car dealer squeezed me in to get me a new tire today before I have to leave town and gave me a loaner for the day to get back and forth to work. My back seems to have taken a turn for the better and my practice seemed somewhat easier than the day before. I even did a few sit-ups. As I’m leaving the studio, I talk with Anita about how I will make the classes up. I know doing the two classes in one day on a day that I also have to work will be challenging but would doing two classes back to back on a Sat morning be even worse? Is it crazy to do an 8 AM and then a 10 AM class? Sounds crazy doesn’t it? Anita says that if I decide to do the two Saturday classes back to back that she will do them with me. How cute is she!?! She is an extraordinary woman--both sensitive and strong and it is a beautiful offer and all I need to commit to doing it. I know now that I can and I will. It may not be this Saturday, depending on how my travels go, but I will do it. My life has been challenging of late but this yoga continues to teach me. What did I write a few days ago: “What a fine line “our edge” is. It’s unquestionably worth trying--when you think you are at your edge, when you think that ‘s all the further you can bend, when you think you can’t hold a posture any more--just try a little bit more, 5 more seconds, or one more breath. You will amaze yourself. You are capable of so much more.” Having someone like Anita to encourage you is also highly recommended. If we all did, I’m certain the world would be a better place. Thank you Anita. You are a gem!

July 14th--Day Fifteen

I’m half way through my challenge today but am unquestionably struggling. I learned yesterday of a death in my family and spent the better part of the evening watching girl movies and crying. (“Martian Child” with John Cusack: cute movie but tear jerker and “Griffin and Phoenix” with Dermot Mulroney and Amanda Peet: modern day version of “Love Story”--just get the whole box of Kleenex and keep it with you). My back is killing me and completely inhibited me from doing any sit-ups in class as well as half tortoise and rabbit.

I plan to attend the funeral, which is in Pittsburgh and is going to necessitate my missing two days of class (Wednesday and Thursday). I am uncertain as to my ability to make up the classes but I commit to one day at a time. I want to do it and I believe that will see me through, though it seems this yoga challenge has been accompanied by real life challenges. I remind myself to breathe, inside and outside of class, and to accept things for what they are just as they are.

July 13th--Day Fourteen

When I get to the studio at 7 AM I am still in my early morning daze. Unfortunately, everyone that shows up today is a runner, no walkers in sight. I do not know the route we will take and don’t want to slow anyone down so I agree to run at least as well as I can. I did jog regularly for short distances (3-4 miles) in the past, but have not for over a year now and even then was never a runner. All I can do is try I decide and off we go. Gratefully, near the top of the first hill I talk Marcy into alternating walking and running with me. It feels good--the exertion, the sweating, the steps, the camaraderie. I am glad I came; I just wonder if I will pass out in class which starts at 9 AM.

We have some time to rest before class and I’m thinking this is going rather well as I sit on the sofa under the air vent sipping a cool refreshing beverage, smug with the thought that I didn’t just walk--I jogged, probably half of the 3-mile or so route. Then Anita says, ”OK, let’s get started.” Am I out of my mind or what? The class goes well but not exceptionally so and the nagging in my back seems only to be increasing. I begin to entertain the thought that maybe I need a rest. I don’t want to quit the challenge, but if I took a day off, how and when would I make it up? I could do a 6:15 AM before work on a Tuesday and then do the 7 PM class the same day. UGH! That’s awfully early and a super long day too! The thought is not very appealing to me and I think it better to keep coming and just take it easy as I need to.